wtf so uh…this is my PERSONAL blog so I hope nobody ever stumbles upon this. anyways…

I lost my train of thought since tumblr was under that stupid maintenance shit.

It really sucks being deferred from a college that I actually want to go to. I hate applications so much.

So yesterday, I got really excited after finding out what I want to do with my life. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl and I think i’m going to go for it. The only thing in my way is this stupid green card shit.

WHY god. We’ve been living in America for more than 11 years now can’t you just give us a break? If only that stupid man didn’t screw up our shit we wouldn’t be living like this. If only that deceiving guy didn’t run off with a 100,000 dollars, we wouldn’t be living like this. IF ONLY…

I’m so proud of my parents though. I have so many “if onlys..” but they manage to stay strong and climb their way back up. I’m sure God has a plan for me..maybe when the time is right that green card will come out and I’ll be able to accomplish  my goals. I have so many things I want to do…life is too short to be wasted over stupid shit people force upon you.

I seriously FANTASIZE about my future everyday and I get this really good gut feeling that I’m gonna make it someday.

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Yesterday I thought really hard about what made me cry. I sat there staring into the mirror and thought so hard. What surprised me was that once I started thinking about the good times and all of the support I got from my mom, tears began streaming down my face.

Good times? haha that’s weird.

Forget all the times I got beat the shit out of by my dad, forget all the times I’ve felt completely alone, and forget all the times I failed. It was the happiness and support that made me cry hard. Was it tears of joy or sadness? I don’t know