I feel so introverted these days…which makes me pretty uncomfortable.

When i’m at parties now I feel so out of place because I can’t get myself to be social anymore. I became too comfortable with being myself.

I always feel like I have two sides..one that’s loud, outgoing and happy and one that’s quiet, somewhat snobby, and serious. I hate the latter. WHY can’t I be different? It’s been this way since elementary school. I just naturally give off the I-don’t-like-anyone-so-dont-talk-to-me vibe. It’s not true at all. If people were friendlier here I’d be fine.

I wish I could be reckless, say things without thinking, funny, somewhat out-there, and blunt.

all of these sound bad (except funny) but I hate every single part of my personality that it has come down to this. I hate the emotional and mental part of myself. I hate the way I think, I hate the way I’m cautious all the time, I hate the way I can’t open up first, and I hate the way I’m self conscious.

Im actually soo afraid of getting judged..I care too much of what others think and I think that’s my problem.

Maybe reality is, I’m NOT introverted because that’s only the mask I hide behind. I’m too afraid of getting judged to open up and trust others. It sucks.

Please…REAL me, please come out sometime this year. I need your fun reckless behavior to keep me alive.