I’m 17 now. STOP BABYING ME
omfg… this shit disturbs me. It makes me want to leave and never come back even more than I used to.
I can’t stand listening to half the words that come out of my mom’s mouth sometimes. Like really? did you THINK before you talk or did you just feel like being a massive bitch today. Most arguments start with YOU saying the stupidest shit of my life. I WILL make this relationship hell if this continues
1. my room is not a place to “chill” and “relax” especially when you’re complaining and threatening me
2. I hate it when you talk about my fuckin friends. They’ve been there for me when you and dad haven’t been. You guys support me physically and my friends support me mentally. Without the latter I’d go fuckin psycho and cut myself in this damned house.
3. I asked you a damn question. Can you not make me repeat it 3 times until you’re forced to answer after hearing me say, “uhhh.. HELLO?” I know you can hear me loud and clear.
4. I don’t care if you “know better” because you’re an adult. seriously, what the fuck have you done for me except shelter and raise me like every other parent? You’ve never supported me emotionally OR listened to what I had to fuckin say.
5. Respect me back.
so I will always be pushing the ones I love most away from me..including my parents. I can never have a healthy and stable relationship with either of them for this reason. It’s just the way I was raised. I’ve felt alone in this world ever since I was in second grade. I don’t need anyone’s pity either..because that’s what I’m used to. This has been my flaw ever since I can remember
I think I’m officially depressed. This weather is giving me so many depressing thoughts and I hate it. Why do I live in Maryland? Why am I so picky with friends? Why am I so different?
so many questions unanswered and it almost makes me resent God. I know the blame shouldn’t be on Him but I feel like a lot of my prayers went unanswered. What am I waiting for God? Why did you create me and place me in a district I clearly don’t fit into?
I’m a summer girl and summer girls don’t belong in cold, suburban places like MD. That’s like asking for depression :(
I’ve been fantasizing about my future ever since I was a young girl. Whenever someone bothered me I’ve always thought to myself, “Wait until you see me later on..you’ll regret.” And now that I’m getting closer and closer to that…future, it’s making me realize things don’t turn out the way I want to most of the time. Of course, I could’ve put more effort into being “that” girl but I began lacking determination and will so I stopped.
I became hopeless
wow I got another allergic reaction today and I had to use the epipen.
damn my life sucks
wtf so uh…this is my PERSONAL blog so I hope nobody ever stumbles upon this. anyways…
I lost my train of thought since tumblr was under that stupid maintenance shit.
It really sucks being deferred from a college that I actually want to go to. I hate applications so much.
So yesterday, I got really excited after finding out what I want to do with my life. It’s been my dream since I was a little girl and I think i’m going to go for it. The only thing in my way is this stupid green card shit.
WHY god. We’ve been living in America for more than 11 years now can’t you just give us a break? If only that stupid man didn’t screw up our shit we wouldn’t be living like this. If only that deceiving guy didn’t run off with a 100,000 dollars, we wouldn’t be living like this. IF ONLY…
I’m so proud of my parents though. I have so many “if onlys..” but they manage to stay strong and climb their way back up. I’m sure God has a plan for me..maybe when the time is right that green card will come out and I’ll be able to accomplish my goals. I have so many things I want to do…life is too short to be wasted over stupid shit people force upon you.
I seriously FANTASIZE about my future everyday and I get this really good gut feeling that I’m gonna make it someday.
——
Yesterday I thought really hard about what made me cry. I sat there staring into the mirror and thought so hard. What surprised me was that once I started thinking about the good times and all of the support I got from my mom, tears began streaming down my face.
Good times? haha that’s weird.
Forget all the times I got beat the shit out of by my dad, forget all the times I’ve felt completely alone, and forget all the times I failed. It was the happiness and support that made me cry hard. Was it tears of joy or sadness? I don’t know
I just emailed him like a freakin one page story about my night last night and for once..I don’t feel stupid for talking. Maybe i need to not give a fuck about what I say more often. It felt good to say what was on my mind without having to think twice. A….what the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel so introverted these days…which makes me pretty uncomfortable.
When i’m at parties now I feel so out of place because I can’t get myself to be social anymore. I became too comfortable with being myself.
I always feel like I have two sides..one that’s loud, outgoing and happy and one that’s quiet, somewhat snobby, and serious. I hate the latter. WHY can’t I be different? It’s been this way since elementary school. I just naturally give off the I-don’t-like-anyone-so-dont-talk-to-me vibe. It’s not true at all. If people were friendlier here I’d be fine.
I wish I could be reckless, say things without thinking, funny, somewhat out-there, and blunt.
all of these sound bad (except funny) but I hate every single part of my personality that it has come down to this. I hate the emotional and mental part of myself. I hate the way I think, I hate the way I’m cautious all the time, I hate the way I can’t open up first, and I hate the way I’m self conscious.
Im actually soo afraid of getting judged..I care too much of what others think and I think that’s my problem.
Maybe reality is, I’m NOT introverted because that’s only the mask I hide behind. I’m too afraid of getting judged to open up and trust others. It sucks.
Please…REAL me, please come out sometime this year. I need your fun reckless behavior to keep me alive.